witness

as i was going through old posts i came across this draft that i wrote, saved it thinking i'd revisit it soon to tweak it, and then promptly forgot about it. i saved it on 2/11/2009. here it is just as i found it, untweaked.

i have a pretty good memory. i remember a lot of things about my life and childhood, most of them random and misplaced, but remembered nonetheless.

but there's a lot of my childhood i don't remember. probably most of it. and that's sad when you think about it. all those years of elementary school, playing on the swing set, trips to the grocery store. i mean, who really remembers those things?

well, my mom does.

my mom was a full time homemaker until i was in 8th grade (i do remember that), so she was home with me from my day 1. i don't remember my 9 months of colic, but she definitely does (sorry, mom). i barely remember playing with my neighborhood friends before i started school. i really only have a few memories of kindergarden. what happened in all those gaps? i'm not exactly sure, but my mom got to witness it.

of course God knows every aspect of my life, but there's a certain comfort knowing someone else on the planet knows those things, too.

my daughter is just now entering the phase of life where she'll probably retain some random memories here and there for the rest of her life. it's very sad to me that she won't remember most of the experiences she's had so far. but i will. i get to witness her little life. i'll be able to tell her how she had to put her socks on her cabbage patch doll before going to sleep every night and how she slept with a stack of books in bed with her. i'll be able to tell her how she fingerpainted with a poopy diaper in her crib (she'll love that one).

i watch my kids a lot. just watch them. watch them play, watch them sleep, watch them discover. i actually can not go to sleep at night unless i go in and look at them at least once. when i slow down and just purely watch, it's so amazing what i see. i've been trying to just-plain-watch more lately and i'm rewarded every time by precious and priceless moments.

of all the people in the world, i get the honor of witnessing rachel pamela and lucas charles grow up until they're old enough to hold on to their own memories. then they'll have to call and tell me about their lives because i won't be able to watch it every day anymore. being a mother is an amazing, amazing thing, and this is another aspect of motherhood that i've just discovered.


***of course my dad witnessed a lot of my life. chuck witnesses his kids every day, too. these two men are both excellent dads. i was just refering to the fact that my mom and i both get to/got to stay home with our kids. this is a post from a mother's point of view. oh, you know what i mean.