Chapter 1: Eating Cake.
My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B. and that's all. B is my bestest letter. On account of my favorite food starts with that guy.
Its name is birthday cake.
We had that delicious stuff at school today. That's because Paulie Allen Puffer turned six years old. And his mother brought chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream and chocolate milk to room nine.
She is a chocolate nut, I think.
The party was very fun. Except for Paulie Allen Puffer got all wound up. And he put cake on his head. And then he laughed till milk came out his nose.
"That is called nose milk," I told my bestest friend named Lucille.
Lucille is a little lady.
"Ew," she said. "I wish I didn't even see that nose milk. 'Cause now my stomach feels upset. And I can't eat the rest of my cake."
"Me too," I said. "Now I can't eat the rest of my cake, too. And so I will throw both our cakes in the trash can for us." Then I picked up our cakes. And I hurried up to the trash can.
I looked all around me very careful. Then I quick ducked behind the trash can. And I stuffed both those cakes right in my mouth. I rubbed my tummy real happy. "Now all i need is some milk to wash it down with," I said.
That's when I saw some milk sitting on a table. All by itself. I picked it up. And drank it all gone.
"Mmmm," I said. "That hit the spot." Just then I heard a voice.
"Junie B. Jones? Why are you out of your seat?"
It was my teacher. Her name is Mrs.
She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that's all. Mrs. has eyes like a hawk.
"What are you doing over there?" she asked me.
"I am sharing people's cake and milk," I explained. "Except for they aren't actually here at the moment."
Mrs. rolled her eyes way back in her head. I smiled very sweet.
"Guess what? When I have my birthday party, I am going to bring cake and milk, too," I said. "Plus also I might bring a beanie wienie casserole. 'Cause that will be a nice change of pace, I think."
Just then, I skipped over to Paulie Allen Puffer's mother. "Excellent cake, madam. My compliments to the chief," I said.
Then me and her did a high-five. Only she didn't actually put her hand out. And so mostly I just slapped her on the arm.
After that, I skipped back to my seat. Lucille was finishing her chocolate ice cream. She had a chocolate mustache on her lip. I did a frown at her.
"Lucille, I am surprised at you, "I said. "You are not eating that ice cream like a little lady. And so I will show you how." THen I quick dipped my spoon into Lucille's ice cream. "See?" I said. "See how I am taking dainty bites of this stuff?"
Only just then a dainty bite of chocolate ice cream slipped off my spoon. And it plopped into Lucille's lap. She jumped out of her chair.
"OH NO!" she hollered. "NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID! YOU SPILLED ICE CREAM ON MY BRAND-NEW DRESS! AND MY NANNA JUST BROUGHT THIS TO ME FROM NEW YORK CITY! AND IT COSTED NINETY-FIVE DOLLARS PLUS TAX!"
Mrs. hurried up to my table. She had a wet sponge to clean Lucille's dress.
"No don't!" said Lucille. "You can't put water on this! 'Cause this dress is made of satin! And satin is dry clean only!"
Mrs. made angry eyes at me.
I did a gulp.
"Who knew?" I said real soft.
Then I put my head down on my table.
And I covered up with my arms.
'Cause that is called laying low.
And laying low is what you do if you know what's good for you.
TO BE CONTINUED....
Weekend homeschool links: January 21st
2 days ago